A Salutation To Strangers

To all the strangers I observed throughout the day.

Dear …

Person Driving The Car With The Columbia University Window Decal: Thank you for letting me know you were smart enough to get into an Ivy League school … and I was not. That felt great.

Creepy Guy Checking Out Girls From The Corner Of His Eye: You look like a deranged Ron Howard. You may think you’re discreet but you’re not. Us gals all know you’re watching us and it’s freaking us out.

Middle-Aged Man Zipping Around In The Audi Convertible: Driving an expensive German car does not change the fact that you’re middle aged and bald. Please drive responsibly.

Woman in Grocery Store: Thank you for offering to help me with my awkward grocery bags. It’s wonderful to know sweet people like you still exist.

Person Who Left The Plastic Shopping Basket In The Parking Lot: I know people tend to leave shopping carts in the parking lot, but baskets? You have taken laziness to a whole new level.

Person In Corvette: Your car may be fast and cost an impressive $60,000, but whenever I see Corvettes I will forever think “Barbie Car.” Blame Mattel.

3 People Standing Under Their Beach Umbrella: Is there a standing contest I am unaware of? In all my years of going to the beach I have never seen people stand under their umbrella and not sit. So far it’s been almost an hour. I wish you would sit, because now I can’t stop watching you. I should be enjoying the beautiful view of the ocean, but instead I keep waiting for you to sit down.

Woman In Bikini With Twin Baby Girls: You had a tummy tuck, didn’t you? C’mon. Admit it.  

Man Talking Loudly on Cellphone: Your white blood cell count is low? And the specialist you need to see has no appointments for three weeks?  You’re also planning a surprise party for your wife? Yet your boss won’t let you leave early that day? You bet he’s a jerk!  But listen, could you please lower your voice so I don’t hear about your bowel issues, or whatever you’re going to talk about next?

Man Hitchhiking Outside of The Department Of Mental Health Building: Dude, if you have any hope of getting a ride, you might want to scooch down a few feet so you’re standing in front of a different building .

Thank you for making my day a little more interesting.

Sincerely,

The Underground Writer

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33 thoughts on “A Salutation To Strangers

  1. oh- what about the person in the car next to you who picks their nose like they don’t know the windows work both ways… 🙂

  2. This is great! I’ve absolutely wanted to write letters just like this one at times. There are so many people you see throughout the day that you speak to in your head…or at least mostly.

    I like to refer to everyone as Sir or Madam…sometimes aloud…usually in my car.

    “Sir, if you don’t move faster I’m going to flip out.”

    “Madam, now is not the time to redo your lipstick!”

    “Sir or Madam…it’s called merging…learn it.”

    Things like that. The kids I nanny for are now VERY polite and always use Sir & Madam and often vocalize internal thoughts. haha. Well done!

    • I LOVE the idea of mentally addressing people as Sir or Madam. But it HAS to be in a British accent. Such as: “Excuse me sir, but if you choose to wear sandals, please refrain from picking your toes.” Doesn’t it sound better in a British accent? Thank you for reading!

  3. Wahaha that is hilarious! Okay, I chuckled rather than LOLed because I am in a public place. But this is great! These everyday observations that nobody ever takes notice of. How many days was this an accumulation of? Thanks for writing!

    • I am so happy you appreciated the salutations! After I published this post, I was a tad concerned it was a bit rough. (I am a nice person, really!) 😉 It took 2 days to accumulate these observations. 1 day at the beach, and the next day running errands. Thank you SO much for reading!

  4. Phew! What a relief that I am not alone. Only, I am a bit more blunt. I am a genuine people-watcher-observer. It’s the only way to keep my sanity in traffic jams…entertaining myself quietly with my assessments of others I notice around me.:)
    … and to the bald, middle-aged, dude beside me in the convertible with his index finger 3 knuckles deep into his left nostril: that really wasn’t the way to go about turning THIS girl on. Unless of course there actually MAY be gold up in there…

  5. Okay, what is up with the umbrella people? I’d have been as bothered by this as you were. And I am constantly talking to other drivers in my car: Really? 50 MPH in the left lane? Really? Can you turn any slower? Really? Do you know your car comes equipped with this thing called a turn signal?
    It’s nice that I’m not the only one so entertained by others. 🙂

    • It was so funny Lesley! I watched them for 30 minutes before turning to my husband and saying, “What are they doing?” “I was wondering that myself” he responded. Maybe it was some weird fad diet? “Must stand – under an umbrella – for 2 hours a day.” And boy oh boy do I hear you with drivers. I have noticed that the elderly may drive really slow – but take fast, risky turns into oncoming traffic. Have you noticed this phenomenon?

      • I’ve definitely noticed that with older drivers…I think they stop caring. 🙂 And yeah, the umbrella thing…seriously weird. I wonder what they would have done if you’d have gone over and nicely asked them to please sit the *&%^ down. 🙂

  6. I LOVE this and love the way you write… made me laugh 🙂 I am new to the world of bloging and now wondering why I didn’t get into this sooner! I would love your feedback on my blog and how to make it better….

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