Life’s Unanswered (Little) Questions

Will there ever be a cure for cancer? ___ and ___, why can’t you just get along? How can we stop climate change?

I could toss and turn all night trying to find the answers to these complex problems. But I don’t (mainly because I would never sleep). Instead, I focus on other – albeit, not as important – situations that drive me equally batty, but at least allow me to get some shuteye.

Why do some men spit while in public? Could someone – anyone –  please explain this gross phenomenon. Does a certain percentage of the male population produce more saliva than others? Are they delusional, and think they’re at the dentist? (Suddenly, they hear a voice say, “Rinse!” forcing them to cough up some phlegm and spew it on the sidewalk.)

Another baffling situation is how children are inconsistently cautious. My son and daughter pick through their meals as though they were health inspectors.

“Ewwww! What is that black spot?”

“Pepper. Now eat your dinner.”

“That’s not pepper! It looks like mold.”

“I don’t serve moldy food. It’s pepper. Eat your dinner.”

“Well, if you say so … wait. What’s this? This red dot?”

Yet they will gladly touch anything and everything in a public restroom. When outside, they poke their fingers into suspicious objects without so much of a hesitation. My son has shoved leaves in his mouth quicker than anything given to him for dinner. But food placed in front of them? Bring out the magnifying glass and Petri dishes, please.

What about this whole LOL business? Are people really Laughing Out Loud? If so, I would think everyone would be chuckling and jolly and smiling all of the time. Yet, all one has to do is spend 10.5 seconds in public to see this is certainly not the case. Why can’t there be a more truthful acronym? Such as SAL (Smiling A Little)?

The last issue I ponder is elderly drivers. I know this seems rather cut and dry: they are old and slow, thus they drive slowly. Yet, these slow driving septuagenarians and octogenarians will make the quickest, most reckless turns into oncoming traffic. Are they attempting to make up for lost time since it took them 30 minutes to drive half a mile? “Good heavens! Look at the time! I should hurry!” and she floors the gas pedal, twisting the steering wheel violently to the left.  Oncoming  cars slam on their breaks, blaring their horns as Edna inches painfully into a parking space.

I struggle to find answers to these conundrums as I prepare dinner for my children to dissect. I mull over them, jumping aside as a man spits out of the corner of his mouth, his saliva landing dangerously close to my feet. And I drum my fingers on my steering wheel, pondering these unanswered little questions, while I inch along behind an elderly man who is en route to his internist.

34 thoughts on “Life’s Unanswered (Little) Questions

  1. I’m almost ashamed on his behalf to tell you this, but early in my relationship with the man who is now my husband we were walking along the street when he – oh-so-politely – excused himself, turned to one side, and spat in the gutter! As you can imagine, I was horrified and wasn’t backwards in telling him so. He evidently thought there was nothing wrong with a good spit, claiming he did indeed have “too much saliva” in his mouth. I’m pleased to report that after a long “conversation” that is the first and last time I ever saw him do it.

    You see, we can change the world..!

  2. My guy spits. I ask him why and he says, “I don’t know…” Then I roll my eyes and he continues to spit. *sigh* I wonder how he’d react if I started spitting?

      • I already have one: smoking. But, that’s based on a proposal. He said he would propose to me when I have quit smoking. I told him I will quit smoking when he proposes to me. Stalemate. *lol* I know… Smoking is gross. I’ve severely cut it out of my life, but I like to indulge every once in a while… *sigh*

  3. I can handle men spitting, but what gets me is the snot rockets in the bathtub. Really?! Is that seriously necessary? Although, I can’t really complain too much because if I’m honest, I pee in the tub nearly every time I take a shower. I mean, all that warm water? What is a girl to do? HA!

  4. WHOA! TMI drunkendreamer!! All these acronyms…it’s hard to keep up! You are such a talented writer, and dare I say FUNNY, too! I’ve never known a “spitter” and thank God my husband only spits in the sink when brushing his teeth (and he has his own sink). But ever since I’ve been teaching my 2 yr. old grandson to brush his teeth and “spit” in the sink, he won’t swallow his water or juice. He takes a drink and wants to spit it out now instead of swallowing it!! What’s a Maw Maw to do? Do you think he’s a future “spitter”??

    Oh, and yes, he and his brother are “food inspectors” because Maw Maw uses alot more fresh ingredients in her cooking then mommy does. If it ain’t out of a box, it can’t possibly be good for you, now can it? Can get very annoying.

    Since, I’m 62 and becoming “less brave” with my driving – well, let’s just not go there. SAL

  5. Loved this and cracking up at the elderly driving. You painted a PERFECT picture. I was born and raised in NYC now moved to NC and I can relate to this on so many levels. I will never see an elderly woman named Edna the same again. Hahaha!

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