Hot Date. Dream Vacation. Perfect House. What Happened?!

We’ve all experienced it. A situation or upcoming event we have imagined would be particular a way, only to have it turn out drastically different than we planned. Our dreamy anticipation vaporizes once reality dawns.

Blind dates are a perfect example. Men – you discovered her through an online dating site. Her picture was unavailable, but this only added to her mystique. Her line of work is listed as ‘entertainment’. You’re not quite sure what that is, but you suspect it involves dancing. Her age? Experienced. Well! As you approach the park where you agreed to meet, you can’t stop your mind from envisioning someone who looks like this:

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Well, hello there!

But your expectations are quickly dashed when you see your date. That line of entertainment she works in? Not dancing, but playing the synthesizer at the local senior center. She’s experienced all right! Experienced at whipping out the tissues she keeps stashed in her sweater sleeves in case she has a sneezing fit.

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“Maybe my dentures fell in this bag. I hope I find them before my date arrives!”

Ladies – you have experienced the same. Your friend swears she has the perfect guy for you. She promises he’s not fat, but “stocky.” He’s a doctor and such a “sweetie.” Why is he still single? He was married to his career, but now he’s ready to settle down and start a family. When you meet this gent, you find he resembles Quasimodo. He confesses your friend did stretch the truth – he’s not really a doctor, but he does work in a hospital. In the cafeteria, to be precise. He proceeds to spend the rest of the evening telling you – in minute detail – his responsibilities in the bustling hospital kitchen. You realize one thing your friend was right about: he really is married to his job.

Let’s move on to vacations. How often do we imagine our vacation will be tranquil, secluded and relaxing?

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Paradise Found

But when we arrive, we learn the beach is a popular destination for cruise ships and it’s filled with screaming children, hollering parents and loud music?

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Paradise Lost

Children. You daydream for months about the upcoming birth of your baby: her little fingers gripping yours, holding her while you glide back and forth in the rocking chair. Perhaps you contemplate learning how to knit baby booties after she is born.

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What you thought you’d get

Yet, when your bundle of screaming joy arrives, you find you’re pacing the floors deep into the night, trying to calm Baby Evil. The only thing you can imagine doing with knitting needles is jamming them into your ears to block out the crying.

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What you got.

House hunting. Your Realtor tells you she has the perfect home in your price range. You follow the winding path to the house, your stomach fluttering. You have already envisioned what color you’ll paint your bedroom. Your neighbor’s house only fuels your excitement:

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This neighborhood is starting to look good!

Yet, the house you can afford – the house your Realtor is excited to show you – looks like this:

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Oh, that’s right. I forgot about our budget.

Lastly, your kids have finally convinced you to get a dog. They vow to walk and pick up after it. One even promises to vacuum for you. You relent, but you tell them it must be calm and small. Your children spend hours online, searching local animal rescue sites. Your husband contacts breeders. You fill out yards of paper work. At one point you’re not certain if you’re adopting a dog or a child, the process  is so rigorous. The night before you pick up Fido, your thoughts drift to the little dog that has managed to wiggle its way into your heart already. You haven’t seen him yet – your kids and husband who have met him tell you he’s brown and lovable. You picture him spending his last night in the shelter:

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Sweet, docile family dog you expect to see

The next afternoon, you hear the family car pull into the driveway. You open the front door, only to see a large beast running towards you. Drool is flying from his mouth and his eyes look crazed. “Yeah, about the ‘being small and calm’ part” your husband says right before Cujo leaps up on you with muddy paws.

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The actual family dog

Bill Watterson, the author/creator, of Calvin and Hobbes, said it best, “I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

Photo Credits: 

Attractive Date: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/andre-batista/3548312095/”>André-Batista</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Disappointment Date: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/gingiber/3672189301/”>gingiber</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt; 

Paradise Found Photo Credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/jsmoral/3278536843/”>jsmoral</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Paradise Lost Photo Credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/otimo/182432305/”>Man with no name</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Sleeping Baby Photo Credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/diathesis/2383571187/”>diathesis</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Money Pit Photo Credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/reallyboring/6307845575/”>reallyboring</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Sweet Dog: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/williammarlow/5976796676/”>WilliamMarlow</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

Crazy Dog: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/thekellyscope/4627967858/”>thekellyscope</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

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22 thoughts on “Hot Date. Dream Vacation. Perfect House. What Happened?!

  1. Yay – – It’s finally Sunday!!! I have decided that “Observations Simply Stated” is sooooo key to your extremely humorous blog. I just LOVE coming here. Who else can say so much with just one word. Your strategically placed single, “Well!” (2nd paragraph) conjures up paragraphs of description for me. Not to mention peals of laughter. I love how you do that!! The captions on your photos were as hilarious as your prose. Great new addition to a “Platinum Blog” (if blogs could go Solid Gold like record albums, yours would be Double Platinum, you see!) Okay, now just one thing. This next sentence in parenthesis needs to have “meet” changed to “met?” (your kids and husband who have meet him tell you he’s brown and lovable.) If you’ve read my posting on OCD and blogging, you’ll forgive me for that last remark!

    Can’t wait for the week to fly by. What exactly might coax, convince, or cajole you into posting twice a week?? 😉
    Stephanie

    • Stephanie – Thank you so much for the heads up about my typo! Even Mr. Underground Writer missed that one! (He’s my editor – and a very stringent one at that. When he edits and I hear his pen scribbling, I start to cringe.)

      I so do appreciate that YOU appreciate all of my nuances in my writing (like the “well!” or “when you open your wigwam door” or “Mrs. Spatula”). Your encouraging words and comments keep me thinking of new post ideas. Thank you!!!

      Oh – and as for the posting twice a week – maybe I’ll surprise you with a random extra post every now and then 😉

      • Hey! I really appreciate that you appreciate (and even remember) all the specific things I’ve appreciated. I know you followed that!

        And I’m such a control freak – – I normally dislike surprises, but in this case, it’s really gonna be a great exception! Again, loved this post!!

  2. Ha ha, so true! And the most reliable of these is the mail-order outfit – the gulf between the mental image of how I’d look in those skinny (yet comfortingly described as “stretchy”) new jeans and the actual result. I won’t be publishing any photos to prove the truth of that one!

  3. “Yet, when your bundle of screaming joy arrives, you find you’re pacing the floors deep into the night, trying to calm baby evil. ”

    I believe you meant to capitalize those last two words: Baby Evil. I’m pretty sure you’re talking about my toddler. She even says, thanks to her older sister, “I’m not two, I’m Evil!”

    This was funny and fun!

    🙂

  4. Things rarely turn out how you expect, but sometimes the way things turn out surpass your expectations (hopefully that makes up for all the times you date Quasimodo ;))

  5. Oh been there done that – house hunting nightmare and holiday hell. I was lucky and got the 1 in a million baby that slept ate and grew so yay Lottery there.

  6. So genuinely happy for you (but selfishly jealous for me). We had the screaming baby for 6 months – she finally slept through the night for the first time when she turned 4. I did have daydreams about learning how to knit when I was pregnant with her.

    And the house hunting! Oy!

    Thank you for reading ~ and the comments! It means more than you know!

  7. A friend went to a concert the other night. His friend had bought the tickets and was really excited and looking forward to it. My friend didn’t really want to go but was happy to accompany his friend. My friend loved it and his friend was really disappointed. It’s not always good to keep your expectations low as you often get what you expect – but in this case it worked out okay for my friend at least!

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