Profit from the Pain

Ingenuity is defined as being cleverly inventive or resourceful. Cleverly  is the key word here. Many of us can come up with resourceful ideas, but how many of them are clever? Such as taking a bad situation and suddenly seeing dollar signs?

“Oh geez. Gradma’s dead. That’s just awful. I’m really going to – hey … wait just one minute! I think I see some profit here!”

or

“Man, I hate picking up after this dog. If I made a dollar for every time this thing had to take a … huh. I may be onto something.”

Greg and Mike Herro, and Rusty and Dean VandenBiesen saw an opportunity to turn sadness into salary. In 2001 they started LifeGem, a company that takes a small portion of the cremated ashes from your loved one and somehow turns it into jewelry. And for no small fee. A tenth of a carat stone will cost you $2,500 with others costing as much as $20,000 dollars. (Don’t believe me? Click HERE to visit their website.)

This whole idea is bizarre. While it may be comforting to wear a ring with the cremated remains of someone dear to you inside, let’s face it, it’s also downright creepy. And socially awkward.

“Ohhh! What an interesting ring! What kind of stone is that?”

“My Aunt Linda.”

“My Aunt Linda? Huh. I’ve never heard of that.”

“No. It’s my Aunt Linda, literally.”

Another uncomfortable aspect of this whole dead person jewelry thing is LifeGem’s website. Their rather crass description that the jewelry “will bring you comfort day by day“, the bright purple sentence in the middle of the screen where you can “request your free information kit here!” as though you are ordering some newfangled hair dryer. Then heart wrenching testimonials, followed by disturbing ones. (One woman wrote, “”Ma” arrived safe and sound last night, and you’re right! She is a beauty! It gives me peace to have her home and in such sparkly condition.”) And of course, the constant reminders to NOT send the ENTIRE cremated remains of your family member to LifeGem. They only need a few ashes to complete your several thousand dollar order.

On a lighter note, Jim Coniglione of Long Island, New York decided to get paid for picking up poop. His business, Scoopy Doo Dog Waste Removal, will remove any dog (or Canadian geese) waste from your yard for a fee. Scoopy Doo Dog Waste Removal has trained technicians (rumor has it Scoopy Doo Dog Waste Removal training is brutal, much like the training required to become a Navy SEAL ) who will properly handle and dispose of all canine (and bird) excrement.

There was no information stating how Mr. Coniglione had the epiphany of picking up poop for profit, but it probably was inspired by something like this:

Jim: It’s your turn to take the dog out.

Jim’s son: Nah-uh! It’s your turn.

Jim: Hey, you’re the one who wanted a dog so bad.

Jim’s son: I didn’t know it would poop so much. I wish there was, like, some machine that scooped up its poop. Or some people who come over and clean the yard for us. Like a butler or something.

Whatever gave Mr. Coniglione the idea to start a professional yard cleaning service has now turned into a thriving business that spans from Long Island to Albany, New York. Well done Jim! (Click HERE if you want to see some major pooper scoopers.)

Lastly, a growing movement has turned trash into cash. Known as Dumpster Divers or Freegans, these curiosities root through dumpsters for discarded food and other items. While the majority of Dumpster Divers brave the darkness of trash cans for food that supermarkets have thrown away and is still (in their minds) considered edible, others find clothing, furniture, and other objects that they then sell. (Thinking twice about purchasing that Hollister sweatshirt you saw on eBay? I would too.)

While many consider Dumpster Diving to be unhygienic, dangerous and downright nauseating, seasoned Dumpster Divers claim that tearing apart trash bags is addictive and provides a thrill, much like bungee jumping. Many state they are helping the environment by eliminating these objects from making there way to landfills. Others make profits by cleaning their finds and selling them on eBay and garage sales. To learn how you too can dive into a dumpster and forage for some items to sell, click HERE.

Ingenuity allowed LifeGem, Scoopy Doo Dog Waste Removal and Dumpster Divers to find a way to make money from a bleak situation. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger … and if it does kill you, LifeGem can turn you into a piece of jewelry.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Profit from the Pain

  1. HAHA! This is my favorite kinda topic and writing style from you! Love the imagined dialogue from a LifeGem admirer! I cannot make it to their website — it just keeps spinning around and around like “all circuits are busy” so that must mean they are very popular and making a killing with this idea. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Thank you for posting again — when there’s a long lull, I think you’ve quit and get VERY down and out. There must be a business in my depression, right? 😉

  2. I can’t stop thinking about this. It is so disturbing. Mom becomes a piece of jewelry. The owner passes away. Who gets Mom? None of the siblings or grandchildren want her. Someone gets her appraised at the jewelers. She isn’t worth anything. They decided to give her to Good Will. Or worse yet, they chuck her. She ends up in the dumpster. The next day, dumpster divers find her. She ends up on ebay.

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