Do I Know You?

You notice him in the checkout lane at the grocery store. He looks vaguely familiar. His hairstyle is one you know you could never forget. Did you sit next to him at last week’s board meeting? Or was he your waiter at that French restaurant you took your mom to for her birthday? Wait. You went to high school with him! No. That’s not it. Was he the guy from Sears who sold you the leaf blower you still haven’t used?

He has now noticed you’re staring at him and is looking at you out of the corner of his eye. You can’t tell if he also recognizes you, or he is slightly concerned that you’re watching him. You start rearranging the groceries in your cart while frantically trying to place his face. Is he the father of one of your daughter’s friends? Should you know this person?

Suddenly it dawns on you. You don’t know this person at all! He simply resembles Lord Farquaad from Shrek – just taller. You exhale, relieved the mystery is solved.

How often have we seen someone who looks familiar, only to realize they’re not someone we know, but rather they resemble a character from a cartoon or movie? Recently while I was in the waiting room of my doctor’s office, a patient sat down and removed his shoes. The fact that this man felt the immediate need to take off his footwear didn’t bother me nearly as much as the fact there was something strangely familiar about his face. I was certain I had seen it before, but where? All at once I realized he looked exactly like Lew Zealand. Who is Lew Zealand? The Muppet who throws the boomerang fish while proclaiming, “I throw the fish away, and they come back to me!”

LewZealand_Large

“I love taking off my shoes in public places!”

There is also a man who frequents the gym I go to who looks exactly like Lloyd Christmas, the character Jim Carey played in Dumb and Dumber. Making this connection took several minutes, and unfortunately my glancing at the man while trying to place him resulted in him attempting to make friendly conversation.

image

“Don’t know why that girl keeps looking at me. Must be my bowl haircut. I better go talk to her.”

 

And who would have ever thought I would come home to find Miracle Max, from The Princess Bride, in my living room? Well, it wasn’t the real Miracle Max. Just an ancient locksmith who looked exactly like him. As I entered through our back door I could hear Miracle Max (also known as Lucas Locksmith, Inc) saying to my husband,

“There. Now that the deadbolt is fixed, you can lock the wife out!”

I burst into the living room and shouted,

“Aha! No he can’t! The door to the back still works!”

Shockingly, I found myself staring into this face:

Miracle Max

“There! Now you can lock your wife out!”

Perhaps we look like a character in a cartoon or movie, but people are polite enough not to tell us. For all I know, after I meet someone for the first time, the person could be thinking,

“Where have I seen her before? I could never forget a face like that…”

edward-scissorhands

“Was she at the last PTA meeting? Or maybe she works at the car wash …”

 

 

Photo Credits:

Lew Zealand – http://www.muppet.wikia.com

Miracle Max – http://www.fanpop.com

Edward Scissorhands – CBS

A Random Request

Who has noticed the words: “Fact. Fiction and Random Requests” next to the turquoise typewriter in my heading? (Raise your eyes a bit. See it? Okay.) I have received my very first “random request.” A reader asked that I write some musings on an article she recently read… 

When my children were younger and still in diapers, I periodically checked to see if their diapers were wet. While this task certainly seemed easy enough, apparently Huggies Diapers disagrees. According to this site, Kimberly-Clark, the makers of Huggies Disposable Diapers, is developing the TweetPee. Yes, that’s right, the TweetPee is an app that will notify you when your kid has peed.

Curiosity got the best of me and I watched the commercial. Since the video is in Portuguese I couldn’t understand a word they were saying, however, I don’t think that really mattered. It went something like this: Baby is in a crib. Parent attaches a plastic owl figurine (who has a rather startled expression on its face) on baby’s diaper. Kid pees. Parents receive a text that their baby’s diaper is getting wet. The end.

While the TweetPee encourages lackadaisical parenting and borders on insanity, Huggies may be onto something. Notification of certain situations could be very helpful.

Like a GrumpGauge, for example. This would – as stated – measure a person’s grumpiness. When a particular person we added to our GrumpGauge app was getting high on the grumpiness scale, we would receive notice on our phone. We could then avoid that person if possible. If avoiding the person was not an option, we could at least prepare ourselves for their orneriness. How the GrumpGauge device that would notify us of the grumpiness level would be attached to the person has yet to be determined.

PristinePotty would also be an excellent app. While out in public, the PristinePotty would notify us of the cleanest bathroom in the vicinity. We have all had the unfortunate experience of walking into a public restroom’s stall only to reverse right back out because of what we found. Because young children have an insatiable curiosity with public restrooms (ever notice how your kid simply has to use the bathroom as soon as you step foot in a store or restaurant?), the PristinePotty would be especially helpful for parents.

Lastly, a TalksTooMuch app would be lovely. With notifications from our TalksTooMuch app, we would know what row to sit in at the movies and the row to avoid because someone chatty was nearby. The TalksTooMuch app would also be handy for choosing what checkout lane to not use. (Ever get a chatty cashier? I once learned the cashier I was using had recently broken up with his girlfriend and was getting new contacts. By the time he was done, the ice cream in my cart was practically melted.) The best advantage of the TalksTooMuch app is that it would also notify you if you were talking too much. This would save many first dates.

While these ideas may seem a bit far fetched – the fact that Huggies Diapers is developing the TweetPee – well, maybe GrumpGauge, PristinePotty, and TalksTooMuch apps aren’t so far fetched after all.